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Friday, April 29th, 2005
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6:58 am - ok
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just got REALLY sleepy..
so the seminar on how to appropriately and tactfully talk about other people behind their backs..
AND the continuation of the huge entry from pixelthesexyful
shall be installed sometime in the next 12 hours...
or so..
or..
maybe.
i'm off to go sleep some
stoopid ana..
she doesn't share well
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(comment on this)
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| Wednesday, April 20th, 2005
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9:21 pm - to follow pete's example.
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written today outside.. in the sun..
I wish i could hurt you. i wish i could hurt myself. i wish i could throw myself into a bottomless abyss where you could never hurt me. i want to scream, and every time i open my mouth and take a big breath no sound comes out. My mind just fills with images of you. my ears with your voice, laughing, singing to me at night. i can smell you even. sex and aftershave. i cuddle my teddy close. and breathe deeply. every night, hoping he will still smell from ehrn i got your aftershave on him. but he doesn't. i think i might have inhaled all of you out of my life. i think about you all the time. i can't help it. i try so hard not to. but even in trying not to think about you, i end up thinking about you.
i can't stand that you're ignoring me. that she's doing your laundry. that you're sleeping in her bed, whether the same one she's in, or not.
it took you so little time to find someone you wanted more. does it help you that she's not interested? that way you don't have to stop thinking about me. loving me. i want to hate you so much, i try so hard to, but even when i hate you, i really don't. i'm just hurt. this is more hurt than ive ever felt. than i've eveer known existed. and you love, you are causing this. i don't want to play this game any more. either let me go or hold me close. either way just make a decision. i don't care either way.
just kill me please.
current mood:  indescribable
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(1 comment | comment on this)
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| Tuesday, April 19th, 2005
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4:17 am - apparently..
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life has more coincidences then one would normally imagine.
whatever.
www.livejournal.com/users/pixelthesexyful
for once the real entry is there..
kick me when i'm down why don't you.
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(comment on this)
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| Sunday, April 17th, 2005
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12:19 pm - it wonders me...
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If i write in my journal...
whether meaning it or not.. if she'll actually be provoked enough to comment and admit that she reads this and has since she found Owen's secret lj... hmm..
but then again that would be started another lj war.. oh yeah.. most people have respect enough to know that if they weren't invited to read this.. they shouldnt!
just for shits and giggles.. to see what happens.. after last night i'm hoping i can get another candid camera moment.
current mood:  curious
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(1 comment | comment on this)
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| Saturday, April 16th, 2005
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5:52 am - oh sweet jesus ow.
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If you wanted to hurt me to push me away.. you just did it royally.. congratulations.. if you sleep with her.. i hope its worth it.. i hope you hate it.. and its horribly disgusting and all you do is compare to something better...
if you dont.. where are you.. on the floor.. cuddled.. what? either way i feel like vomiting. congratulations you've hurt considerably.
mind anyone who's reading this that its 6 am. and my car battery is dead.. and i found this out the hard way.. and i am emotionally and mentally and now physically disgusted.
wow.. i didn't think this could hurt anymore.. i was horribly mistaken.
current mood:  nauseated
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(comment on this)
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| Sunday, April 3rd, 2005
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1:45 pm - yum....
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yumm.. protein shake....
::gags self::
current mood:  satisfied
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(comment on this)
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| Friday, March 18th, 2005
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12:11 am - doesn't it just suck to feel nowhere and not have anywhere you really want to be...
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i guess there are lots of people that could apply to.
current mood:  depressed
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(comment on this)
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| Monday, March 14th, 2005
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1:07 am - in case those who follow this didn't know
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http://www.livejournal.com/users/pixelthesexyful
yep.. just cuz i'm way too lazy to retype or even to just press ctrl+v and paste everything from the other journal over here.. make yourselves useful and click!!!
btw... i thought anonymity was supposed to stay just that.... anonymity. stoopid sillies.. if you want something to be anonymous.. don't ask who the person who wrote it is.. just be like.. huh. that's very mysterious. and be done with it.
later days all..
current mood:  sleepy
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(3 comments | comment on this)
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| Saturday, March 12th, 2005
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1:23 pm - What?
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I don't read jibberish. but someone please tell me she's not talking about what i think she's talking about..
someone please tell me everyone is wrong and people aren't lying to my face.
i don't think i could add anything else to my plate right now.
current mood:  anxious
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(comment on this)
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1:09 pm - ... make up your mind please ...
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| Friday, March 11th, 2005
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9:28 am - Oh.. i hit the bottom.. I suppose theres always negative numbers.
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| Thursday, March 10th, 2005
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11:37 am - stuck in my head
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( This has been stuck in my head for a while now.. )
Another day gone by. still not had much if anything to eat.. and so far so good. i can't stand not being with him. my brains not really accepting it. but what can i do, theres no conversations being had. one minute its fine and there's happiness, another theres nothing but the hurt is overwhelming.
The fact that i'm around him and without thinking i start to reach out, to say or do something. and i have to stop myself and say.. no.. thats not allowed.
please make it stop.
current mood: shut down
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(comment on this)
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| Wednesday, March 9th, 2005
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9:10 am - :screams really loud:
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OW.
For those who were against us and fought the happiness with everything you could, congratulations. you've won.
I'm sorry that love isn't enough for you. I really am. I will always be here for you, even though it hurts to think about everything without you. i promise i always will be, for a hug, or an i love you, or even for someone to fight with just to get the anger out. I'm sorry for everything. Please don't just shut me out, just give friendship a chance. Love me as a sister if you can't anything else.
I guess everything below this is irrelevant now. but. if you want to read it feel free.
I love you so much, and i will continue to tell you that every day if you want me to. which i hope you do.
current mood: nauseated
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(comment on this)
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| Tuesday, March 8th, 2005
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3:26 pm - why?
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Why is it that i cry so much and all the time, and it never makes me feel any better.. It never really does any good other than to give me a headache. And now, when all i want to do is cry, there is no one to hold me and there are no tears left for me to cry. Why can't i at least have that???
I hate oh so much. and i really and truly wish i didn't. more than anything in the world.
current mood:  frustrated
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(1 comment | comment on this)
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| Monday, March 7th, 2005
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5:44 pm - I really hope this helps.
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Ok. I think its possible that i have met my end. I am beyond stressed at this point. Everything i do or try to do just kind of goes down the drain.
( Stuff, not for most. )
current mood: lonely
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(comment on this)
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| Monday, January 31st, 2005
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2:53 pm - Rawr.
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Ok so i was super excited to come into the school today and see the senate gang all together again. And Anthony and i made this super cute awesome ID. But then Lori goes like.. since when are owen and jayme together.. and i was like.... ::double take:: Excuse me ?? Now mind you they're both sitting nice and cute and close and blech over at a table across the cafe... and Lori starts telling me that they were like running around all arm in arm and shit.. blah.. It's just rawr. it's difficult. but hey.. that's what i signed up for eh ?
... I hope Jayme gets Owen's pink eye... and not in a good/fun way either....
Blessings (of pink eye muahahaha!)
current mood:  blank
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(2 comments | comment on this)
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| Sunday, January 30th, 2005
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11:19 pm - it never ends teehee..
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WE BOUGHT A MICROWAVE TODAY!! HUZZAH! i think i will go to stop and shop after picking up owen and buy lots of microwaveable food to eat to abate my hunger!
current mood:  excited
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(comment on this)
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11:09 pm - oh yeah and another thing
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EWWW Owen has pink eye!! lol he's off at some best buy game night thingy... oh well.. Evan and i are scheming for me to call him so owen can talk to him.. its gonna be fun.. hope all goes well in the rest of the world.. i'm over at cody's and we're watching Moulan Rouge, although i suppose you can't really say that WE are watching it, because he's been asleep for like half an hour.. and his laptop sucks.. which is kind of sucky.. unfortunately. I'm really freakin hungry, and i love this movie, and maybe we'll get pizza tonight... i'm that freakin hungry.
... My eye itches.. thats probably no good.. DAMN YOU OWEN AND YOUR STOOPID UNHEALTHINESS!!
~Blessings all nighty night
off to go pick up owen.
current mood:  hungry
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(comment on this)
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11:02 pm - stolen from Evan
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Yay finally talked to Evan on AIM (I MISS YOU LOTS) and as usual he put life into perspective for me... basically: Fuck Life! in a good way of course.. hazzah!
Describe yourself using one band and song titles from that band | Created by naw5689 and taken 13589 times on bzoink! | | Choose a band/artist and answer only in song TITLES by that band: | Incubus | | Are you male or female: | Southern Girl | | Describe yourself: | Make Yourself | | How do some people feel about you: | Smile Lines | | How do you feel about yourself: | Stellar | | Describe your ex girlfriend/boyfriend: | Just a Phase | | Describe your current girlfriend/boyfriend: | Summer Romance (anti-Gravity love song) | | Describe where you want to be: | Deep Inside | | Describe what you want to be: | Priceless | | Describe how you live: | Talk show on Mute | | Describe how you love: | The Warmth | | Share a few words of wisdom | Are You In? | Create a Survey | Search Surveys | Go to bzoink! |
Blessings and goodnight!
current mood:  happy
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(comment on this)
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| Saturday, January 29th, 2005
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9:39 pm - Ahh New Beginnings...
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Cheers to new Beginnings. Peek a Boo~ Welcome to a game of hide and seek, so to speak.
I am currently back at my moms, using the crappy washer and dryer, because they're free, even though they suck ass and i'm gonna go home with a cars worth of frozen damp clothes, and i'm probably going to be late picking up Owen.
I think i would like to take this time, to just let the world know how happy i am, when i finish with this i'm gonna go box up some stuff in my room, to make the transition to moving in and living with owen complete. This is the happiest time of my life. Although my money problems are never ending, and my car is deciding to mutiny against me every once in a while, the problems with my mother are practically gone. and while i miss my little sister, living in Hyannis, especially with owen, is a dream come true. All of my plans for this year happened, most of which in better ways than i ever could have imagined. I wanted to be out of the house, on my own. I'm a step up from that, living with someone i love and am very happy with. We have our arguments, as most couples do, but at the end of the day, at night when you can curl up beside someone and tell them you love them, or hear something similar, is a blissful feeling, and waking up in the morning to that is a great start to any type of day. I've been budgeting my money, which is something i wanted to do. I'm taking the classes at 4C's that i wanted to, and i've even managed to wrap my principle around my little finger and graduate early. I'm babysitting to make a living, and i can honestly manage to find at least one good thing in every day, even if sometimes i don't act like it.
I have grown more in the past six months then i ever could have imagined. Grown for the better in my opinion.
Unfortunately with the good, comes the bad, even Eden had it's problems :-). Working at Best Buy was definitely an experience, but hey, everything in life is and should be. To the people who came into my life and either left, or chose to stay and try and breed negativity and disfunction (you know who you are) You choose your own paths in life. Jayme, you know how i feel about the situation, and the number one thing is that i think this whole situation is the direct result of a huge amount of bullshit. And melissa to be blunt, i think you're just a bullshit factory. But i hate leaving things badly, and to any others who read or follow this, if you've been hurt, i'm sorry, it wasn't my intention. if you haven't i'm glad, that's how it should be.
*Jayme, i think we need to talk i don't think the stupid rivalry we have is good, closure would be nice if nothing else. If you can't handle that, fine thats great and entirely your decision. But i really don't think friendships should be wasted, especially over boys. This whole thing actually reminds me of when we first started being friends, and were like, inseperable for weeks (no matter what those were good times lol) and you were dealing with a "kindergartenish" problem you had with another friend, i dunno, after my last entry i tried really hard to just not notice, or care or whatever, but unfortunately i don't work that way. That day at Best Buy i wasn't even paying attention, i was like Hey it's Jayme i'm having an awesome day i wanna go give her a huge hello and make sure she has a good day too, and then i was like, oh yeah Jayme hates me, stoopid uncomfortableness standing next to her and not feeling allowed to say anything. I hope you find your happiness in life, it seems like if nothing else we both care about Owen enough to have something in common to build a friendship off of, or maybe i'm just a stupid ditz who doesn't like ending friendships for stupid things that a good night of chick flicks and like 5 gallons of ice cream couldn't fix. So, Blessings to you, because i think you need them, and because you deserve them.*either way i would like my cd back, its a burned incubus cd and i left it in your cd player the day your truck burst into flames :-D (good times) if you want to give it to owen thats fine, but i would like it back*
*Melissa, i don't really want to talk to you, i don't really want anything to do with you actually. But i also don't think you'll stop the anti Owen-Nicole crusade any time soon. I just really don't have the effort or energy left to deal with the crap you just want to start. If you have something to say to me, fine, find me and say it, or if you really feel you must, leave it as a comment or an email, but otherwise please stop dragging things out through my journal comments. its just a nuisance to keep reading them.
It sucks to have to deal with this online, and this is the last time it will be addressed both on this journal, and the new one i'm creating specifically for that purpose, to avoid the bullshit that has unfortunately decided to turn up here and there. If you read this regularly and want to be put on the friends list of the new journal, or want the name anyways, leave a comment with a contact and i'll get it to you, otherwise, i'll probably keep using this one as well, so i don't really care either way.
Blessings all, and sweet dreams and goodnights and all that fun stuff :-)
~Pixel
current mood: accomplished
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(comment on this)
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pixelish_faerie's journal
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